Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The good thing about Facebook is if someone gets on your nerves enough, you can make them cease to exist in your world and you don`t even have to hide a body.
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...so I came back drunk.
If its so great outside why do bugs try to get in my f*cking house?
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
She might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty`s only a light switch away.
Have you ever partied so hard that you feel like you may have damaged your DNA?
I hate when I put food in the microwave & it starts makin explosive noises so I check and it’s cold like why you gotta play me like that.
A fun thing to do when leaving the Zoo, is too start frantically running and yelling "OMG they`ve all escaped!"
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
If you feel like you’re about to punch someone, take a deep breath. Then exhale as you punch to get more power.
is here. Now what are your other two wishes?
*Hears a joke about a chocolate bar* *Snickers*
Congratulations on becoming a homeowner! From now on, every noise you hear will cost you money.
A homeless man told me he hadn`t had a bite in weeks, so I bit him.