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As a man, EVERY month is `Breast Awareness Month` for me.
I don’t like being told what to do…unless I’m naked.
Ok advertisers, for the last time. I’m playing a game I downloaded for free. So, the fact that you chose to advertise here means your product is grossly overpriced…
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn`t reach the cookies in the cupboard.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of planes.
How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?
A new study suggests that a future study will completely contradict this study.
I should come with a warning label.
They say that money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.
One of the best uses I`ve ever found for invisible ink is when I signed my marriage license with it.
If spiders ever come to the realization that people are terrified of them, we`re f*cked.
Roger that command center, we have arrived at our destination and will commence countdown..............Sir this is McDonalds how may I help you
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
Ok ... I just had a talk with myself, and it did not go well. Now I`m grounded.