Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How do I tell my boss I don`t want to do work anymore but still want money.
I think my girlfriend’s hallucinating. She keeps telling me she’s seeing other people.
Did you know that if you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
I have decided I no longer want to be an adult. So if anyone needs me, I`ll be in my blankey fort... coloring.
People that chew gum and drink alcohol what the f*ck is wrong with you.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks, why is there a light in the fridge??
How did anybody express anger before the invention of the caps lock key?
If there is a wrong place and a wrong time, I’ll be there.
There is no one more trustworthy than Clark Kent`s dry cleaner.
It bothers me when I see tax money wasted on signs telling deer where to cross the road.
It’s not a nap unless your face wakes up in a puddle of your own drool.
If you feel lonely... dim all lights & put on a horror-movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore
Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in
I have a confession to make... "I want to get back with my ex"...LOL Just Kidding..."I`d rather shit in my hands and clap !"
Common sense is like deodorant....The people who need it most never use it.