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The Bible is pretty accurate...Especially when thrown at close range.
I would like to discuss tennis but I wouldn`t want to cause a racket
I am currently watching the Holy Grail of horror movies. There are 10 minutes left and the black guy is still alive.
I often worry that mankind is going to start World War III soley because we enjoy trilogies.
I`ve fallen down the stairs before. I don`t see what joy the Slinky gets out of it. That sh!t hurts.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I’d be like “Sit your translucent ass down, I have a lot of questions!”
I think once we get past the restraining orders, court dates, and the stalking charges we can really make this relationship work.
I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk. I`m in whey over my head.
How come there`s never enough dirt to refill the hole even after you`ve put the body in? Asking for a friend
I don`t have to run faster than the lion. I just have to run faster than you.
I wish I can start a new diet, but there`s a bunch of old diets I haven`t finish.
Mirrors don’t lie. And, lucky for me, they don’t laugh either.
"How`s phone reception in the bathroom?" is an important question, but one you just can`t ask on a job interview.
Parts of my body are turning 50 Shades of Gray
FACT: Men are much less likely to divulge a secret than women. Probably because they weren`t really listening to begin with.