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What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
I realized that at my income level "Wealth Management" really just means re-organizing the money in my wallet by denomination.
I only accept apologies in cash.
I am a little worried that every "evacuation route" sign is leading away from my house.
Wish my husband got a check from the NFL for all the refereeing he does from his recliner...
I removed my windshield wipers and now I don`t get parking tickets. Suck it meter maids!
I have this talent of getting tired without doing nothing.
Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked.
Frankly auto correct,I`m getting tired of your shirt.
With great power comes a great electricity bill.
I`ve got big plans for the weekend. If things go well, come Monday morning I`m gonna need a chiropractor, a psychiatrist, a priest and bail money.
Never date someone that works for your cell phone provider. Just sayin
Pregnancy test confirmed me my worst fear.......I`m just fat
No one on Earth has a higher tolerance to cold temperatures than someone who wants to smoke a cigarette.
I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now when I don`t even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago.