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The most common name In China is Chang, correct me if you think it’s Wong.
Say what you want about Kim and Kanye naming their daughter North West. That kid is headed straight to the top. And slightly to the left.
Don`t blame me. You`re the one following a 41 year old man who just jumped into his bed like an Olympic athlete because scary monsters.
Things I`ve learned: There`s no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball.
Health experts recommend a 1500 calorie diet. For those of you not good with math... that’s a 12-pack of 125 calorie beers. You`re welcome!!! ;)
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
As soon as I figure out who drank my 2 cases of beer, I`m gonna try to figure out why I`m so drunk.
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
If you see someone crying, ask them if it is because of their haircut.
I just found out that his full name is actually, Vehicle Identification Number Diesel.
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and thats were I sleep...
This chick I met last week says she wants a guy who is `funny and spontaneous`, yet when I tap on the kitchen window uninvited late at night dressed as a clown it`s all pantic and screaming.
Man:Hello doc, my wife is having a baby. Doctor:Is this the first child? Man:No, it`s the husband speaking.
Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty damn expensive.
You call it reckless driving, I call it searching for my lighter.