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Iām just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
We all have that one friend who always gives the best relationship advice , but is still single.
Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday.
I really think that Caller ID needs to be more detailed. It should say things like "Wants help moving" or "Will whine about bad relationship."
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity........thats how rich I want to be.
times new roman walks into a bar. "sorry, we don`t serve your type."
I`m undecided about which pants to wear today...Smarty of Fancy?
After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me " maybe life isn`t for everyone"
The grass is always greener where the bodies are buried.
are you free tomorrow ?! no I am f**king expensive !!
Missed connection: you were washing your car in a bathing suit. I rode past your house 78 times. You threw a rock at me.
come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines.
When I "rage against the machine" the machine is usually a printer.
Iād steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!
I just bought some new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said to remove the top and push up bottom. My butt hurts now but every time I fart the room smells awesome.