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Surgery beds are basically cutting boards for humans.
Note To Self: Even if someone really needs it, strangling them is still illegal.
Share this if you are weird and don`t care
The earth moves 1.6 million miles per day. So no I didn`t just "lay in bed and watch TV all day" I traveled very far thank u
What do you mean I didn’t win, I ate more wet t-shirts than anyone else.
I was told that exercise helps with your decision making. It’s true. After going to the gym earlier I’ve decided I’m never going again.
I don’t think we can get through adulthood without a good sense of humor and a strong middle finger.
I was planning on doing something today, but I haven`t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
My friend said "hey that girl has a nice butt" I said "yes i bet she can sit down excellently "
How to Train Your Dragon offers no practical dragon training information. NONE. Zero stars.
When I`m bored, I like to superglue Doritos to my cat and make it run around the house like a stegosaurus.
Whenever a wrong number calls me and hangs up I always call em back and tell them it was their loss because I`m really fun to talk to.
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I fart in my sleep.
Disneyland. The world’s biggest people trap, built by a mouse.
I`ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I`m actually talking to someone.