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I just peed so hard that I laughed a little.
I did absolutely nothing today and did it well!!!
A sofa is a vacation for your a$$...
Want the truth? Just ask a kid.
Sometimes, if you believe in something hard enough and deeply enough, nothing happens.
You know what’s huge in Japan? ..Sumo wrestlers. ;)
You have your whole life to be an a$$hole...are you trying to use it all up in one day?
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?
You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...
If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.
Everyone is beautiful in their own way, your way just happens to be in the dark.
My nickname at work is "HR wants to see you"
I`m a little Stressed right now ... Just turn around and leave quietly and no one gets hurt.
New Game: Attach a mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.