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Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else`s house.
This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
You think you are too small to make a difference? then you have never spent a single night with a mosquito.
Too bad you can’t get abs from laughing at your own jokes, because I would have an 8 pack.
Wish my husband got a check from the NFL for all the refereeing he does from his recliner...
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
My innocent look never works in the nude.
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? You were driving 80 miles an hour. Driver: "No way; I ain`t even been on the road an hour."
The fact that Google autocompletes all of my questions just reaffirms how unoriginal all my problems are.
A three hour long movie adaptation of pages 74 and 75 of the Hobbit? Friggin count me in.
You know you are desperate for an answer when you look at the second page of Google.
My wife is great at multitasking. She can be mad at me for five different things at the same time.
Wouldn`t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 mins and come out wrinkle free and 2 sizes smaller...
Here is a thought for all you mind readers out there…