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Make somebody happy today... mind your own business!!!
When people said they sleep like a baby, it`s because they do not have one.
People hate the truth. Luckily, the Truth doesn`t give a $#!t.
I`m not sure why they gave all these other people cars.
My wife let me remove all her clothes last night ... From the dryer
Sorry but if these walls could talk I`m pretty sure they`d talk about wall things and not whatever scandal you`re blowing out of proportion.
"I`m only having one" ...said by many, practiced by none.
There is no peer pressure like washing your hands because someone else walked into the bathroom.
Respect your parents, they pay for your internet.
I would offer moral support ... But my morals are questionable.
Someone just called me normal, I`ve never been so insulted in all my life!
Dear middle finger: thank you for always sticking up for me.
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics. So glad I found y`all.
If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.