Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Im at a beer tasting today..so far they all taste the same out of this case...well done Budweiser...well done!!
You know it`s time to clean your screen when you start confusing dirt with punctuation.
Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
Never judge a book by it`s movie.
An arranged marriage is just another way of saying that your parents helped you get laid.
If a man doesn`t drink when he`s living, how in the hell can he drink when he`s dead?
1: Say "Unh! 2: Mumble three spanish words. 3: list four cities. You just made a Pitbull song.
A bachelor party is a lot more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
Sooooo, ..a friend of mine was watching my dog lick herself in a certain area. Out of nowhere he says, "I wish I could do that." ...I said, "Go ahead, but she might bite."...
You`ve already put up your Christmas tree? That`s nothing. I`m already drunk for St. Patrick`s Day.
Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows
Considering that dogs pee to mark territory, they probably think humans are constantly battling over who gets to claim the toilet.
I’m going to rename my wifi network to “Surveillance Van #02?. That should keep the neighbors on their toes for a while.
This day needs more yesterday.