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My kids keep bugging me about dinner even after I told them I already ate...
The guy who invented wet t-shirt contests probably has no idea that shirts can just be taken off.
If I were invisible I`d go beat up a street mime...the applause he would get would be incredible
Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.
When I was your age, we had to walk ten miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
It`s frustrating to know, I`ll never experience the exhilaration of getting to meet me.
24 hours in a day.. 24 beers in a case.. coincidence?
Instead of ‘gay friends’ can we say homiesexuals
Yes... I repost. Isn`t that kinda the point? Spread the love and shit? Mostly shit... But that`s your fault...
I will never forget the day when she said yes to me because that was the last time we agreed on anything.
Is it yoga if you wear sweatpants all day and then hunch over the garbage can as you eat a burrito?
Everyone hates performance enhancing drugs. Yet, everyone loves Captain America.
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.
Reincarnation is my only hope.