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Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
How to live a happy life: 1)Do whatever you want 2)Don`t worry 3)Eat whatever you want 4)Don`t take advice from strangers on the internet
She looks like the kind of girl that brings a suitcase on the first date.
"Sleeping on the couch" should be a relationship status on Facebook.
A man made eye contact with me on the train, so I left my shoe behind ... And now, we wait...
Is it wrong to use cheat codes for Wii Fit.
I wish Monday was a figment of my imagination.
Every new day means new opportunities... to make mistakes and f*ck things up.
Sometimes one middle finger isn`t enough to let someone know how you feel. That`s why we have two hands.
I`m already an idiot, I just need a village.
"We`d be rich if you just said one f*cking word" - me, drunk, talking to my dog
Confucius would have been great at Status Updates......
I dont think I could ever stab someone.. I barely can get the straw into a Capri Sun.
Im just waiting for the day for Ashton Kutcher to go to Charlie Sheen and say "its stilll your show. YOU JUST BEEN PUNK`D!"
You get wasted, swear to much, and your morals are questionable. You`re everything I`m looking for in a friend.