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I hide from people too, so I get it unicorns, I get it.
I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it because it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.
If anyone every texts me "who is this" I always respond "Jake from State Farm"
I always carry a lighter in case I end up at an impromptu concert...or need to set someone`s house on fire. Either way, I`m prepared.
Talk is cheap, until you hire a lawyer.
If you`re gonna label the silica gel "do not eat", maybe you should label everything in the box. I almost ate a shoe before someone stopped me
I may hate waiting. But I love procastinating.
None of my girlfriends even know they`re dating me.
I can`t afford to go on vacation these days,so I just drink until I don`t know where the duck I am or how I got there.
I went somewhere earlier and saw a frog parked illegally and the poor thing got toad!!
YOU WANNA PIECE OF THIS!?!?! ~me, aggressively handing out cake
So Apple is gonna buy Beats by Dr. Dre... I guess "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" doesn`t apply to technology?
I need a job that pays at least 10,000 dollars an hour.
I’m so happy people can’t hear what I’m thinking.
If you can`t say something nice about someone, you probably know the same people I do.