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Love makes the world go `round, but alcohol makes it spin.
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
I hide from people too, so I get it bigfoot, I get it.
If you`re happy and you know it, thank your ex.
I`m having trouble telling if it`s killing me or making me stronger
In the spirit of spring cleaning and Easter, I`m keeping the dust bunnies as decorations.
My version of flirting is looking at someone attractive multiple times while hoping they are more brave than I am.
Don`t get me wrong, this Chinese take-out is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice
That awkward moment when you imagine your own funeral...
I’m a pervert, but in a romantic way.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again: it before
I just heard someone say "I can`t wait for 13/13/13" .....let`s take a moment and pray for this dumbass
The name CONstitution sounds so negative. Since `pro` is the opposite of `con` we should call it prosti..... oh wait.
My Wife asked, "Would you like a romantic interlude?" I said, "Does a bear crap in the woods?". Wish I`d just said `Yes`, she`s been on Google ever since.
Today’s forecast.. mostly cloudy with a 99.9% chance of alcohol