Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m super lazy today! Which is like normal lazy, but I`m also wearing a cape.
Ladies - I am still available as a great last minute Christmas gift!
At a four way stop, it`s obvious that the vehicle bearing the most duct tape goes first.
I wonder if any Disney managers ever start a meeting off with "What kind of Mickey Mouse operation are we running around here?"
Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark.
20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area.
Why are kids obese? Maybe because Burgers are $.99, & Salads are $4.99.
And then I was all: “I’m really getting sick of your shit, bitch.” And then she was all: “To speak with a representative please press 7.”
These spaghetti-o`s taste like I don`t get paid until tomorrow.
When I order pizza online and there’s a “Notes” box I put “Ring bell, Cross moat, SLAY DRAGON”
I`m flattered that you took time out from your lack of a life to judge mine.
“Be yourself” is the worst advice you can give to some people.
I wish "You idiot" was an appropriate way to end a work email.
When there is nothing to do ... That`s what I do