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I don`t know how the law of averages works, but you`d think after 25yrs of marriage I`d be right at least once
People who go jogging, you realise we have cars now, right?
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
Please don`t post pictures of cats on my FB wall. I am allergic.
I have this talent of getting tired without doing nothing.
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
Safe words are for quitters.
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
The closest I`ve ever come to eating better is eating butter.
My body is made up of 90% water, 5% pizza and 5% wine.
Forgets to set alarm, wakes up 3 days later.
I hate when its dark and your brain is all "you know what we haven`t thought about in a while ... demons."
PARENTS: your teen may be worshipping Satan. Look for these terms: LOL - Lucifer Our Lord, BRB - Burn Religious Books, TBH - Tell Beelzebub Hi
Tequila, because sometimes you and your toilet need to hug it out.
That moment when being uncool, is cool