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I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
Why is it that whenever there`s two women in a profile pic, the hot one is always someone else..?
I don’t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it.
“They dared me to” is ALWAYS a valid excuse.
It would take a pretty stupid robot to replace me.
I don`t get personal trainers. I`ve never been exercising and thought "man, I wish someone hot was criticizing me right now."
I believe in helping the homeless. That`s why every year I buy a new refrigerator and throw away the box.
I`d share my Netflix login but I`m too embarrassed by "My List".
I hate it when I think I`m buying ORGANIC vegetables but when I get home I discover they`re just REGULAR donuts...
Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clock is broken and I`m wide awake. Not sure who won.
I`d publish my autobiography but it`s just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.
A lot of times I wonder if people think my girlfriend is only with me for my money.....but I am always reassured by the fact that I don`t have any money..........or a girlfriend....
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either :)
Trying to remain humble but I’m the most famous person in my living room right now.
That moment of shame when an automatic door doesn`t open for you