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It`s amazing what you`ll wear in public when you`re not trying to have sex with anyone.
Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
How to know you have a sunburn: Smack the spot. If you scream in pain, its a sunburn
I think I really have an amazing butt. Every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say "what an ass.."
Sorry, I can`t today ... My sister`s friend`s mother`s grandpa`s brother`s grandson`s cousin`s uncle`s fish died. Yes, it was tragic.
How to fall down stairs: Step 1 Step 6 Step 7,8,9,11
Sometimes I feel like I get less attention than a white crayon.
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose beer.
If the cigarette tax is meant to discourage smoking, is the income tax meant to discourage working?
Why be full of hate when you can be full of pizza?
Fact: if you give your boyfriend a bj each time you act crazy, he`ll not only forgive you,but eventually be thrilled when you act nuts.
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.
Im just waiting for the day for Ashton Kutcher to go to Charlie Sheen and say "its stilll your show. YOU JUST BEEN PUNK`D!"
Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.