Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m not allowed to have any energy drinks until all the cat`s hair grows back.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
Happy new years, my friends. Thanks for supporting the site, Ralf.
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
The best occupation to work from home as: Bartender.
People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking.
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
I`d like to give a big shout-out to all my hard of hearing friends!
Cake and pie can’t compete. If you put candles in a cake it’s birthday cake. Put candles in a pie and someone’s drunk in the kitchen.
I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.
So my kid secretly recorded me driving and singing and put it on social media if you needed to know how important birth control is today.
I like confusing kids by telling them I`m older than the internet
It`s such a beautiful day I had to open the window while I watched TV
We are hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can’t come, let me know.
My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.