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Hell hath no fury like me when I’m slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
One should love animals.. They are so tasty.
Do you think retailers in Colorado have seen an increase in the sales of Easy Bake ovens and Brownie mix?
Was there even food before people started posting pictures of it on Instagram?
People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking.
If I pat you on the back, there`s a 99% chance that I`m only using you as a napkin
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do.
I don’t think girls realize how handsome my mom says I am.
I wish more events in life involved dumping a cooler full of Gatorade on people.
Holiday Tip #236: When hosting a covered dish holiday dinner where everyone brings something, never put a skinny person in charge of desserts.
Im afraid to go outside or even sit next to a window during an lightening storm. Im afraid that I`ll get zapped! I`m scared that God is gonna get me!!!
DIET TIP: don’t eat chips right out of the bag. Get out just enough to eat until the pizza guy gets there.
Don’t bother looking up “impose.” It’s next to impossible.
Who called them fake potatoes and not imitaters.
I’m going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people I’m going to haunt grows everyday.