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My boss said we needed to find ways to save time and be more productive, so I just moved the coffee maker to my desk
My first career was working as a Ventriloquist on a Radio Program, I got let go when people kept calling in to say my lips were moving.........
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
Facebook should win an Emmy for Best Daytime Dramas.
People in glass houses shouldn`t masturbate during the day....
I hope my last words aren’t “What does this thing do?”
If Santa doesn`t bring me something good I`m going to pee in his lap like I did when I was eight.
Im not fat I´m just easier to see
I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language made entirely out of tattoos.
No, I don`t need a Fitbit. I can count to 45 by myself.
People are like snowflakes. If you piss on them they go away.
I never used to mind my wife hitting me in the face as she climaxed until I found out she was faking it.
In my day we had to roll the windows up and down with our bare hands.
Dear Santa, before I try to explain…..just how much do you already know?
Not to brag, but I still owe Blockbuster $2.00 for not rewinding Weekend at Bernies.