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Did you ever notice how a woman’s “I’ll be ready in 5min” and a guys “I’ll be home in 5min” are one and the same?
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
One square left on the toilet roll and no extras in the cupboard. Well played, honey. Well played.
The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.
I`m not funny, I`m just really mean and people think I`m joking.
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
Didn`t leave home today. It was too peopley out there.
Getting old sucks. I use to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I feel more like a bounced check.
Don`t fall in love, learn how to ruin your life all by yourself.
A good way to break up with a girl gently, is to curtsy when you`re meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.
I just want to be rich enough to tell my boss, "you`re not the boss of me"!
Roses are red, violets are blue. I hate you bye
every woman iz beautuful n her unique way, smtimz it needs sm amount of alcohol to see with
You can’t run from your problems forever. Eventually, you’ll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.
What I’m really looking for in a friend is loyalty. And a pool. Mainly just a pool.