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I hit a parked car today so naturally I left a note. It said "Die, Decepticons! Die!"
Imagine how frustrating it would be if Tic-Tacs were individually wrapped
Since there’s only one of me, does that make me an endangered species?
Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
Think of me as an idea. A really, really bad idea.
Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible
All alcohol will make my clothes fall off… tequila just makes that happen in public.
Why do people ask "What were you thinking?" Obviouly, I thought I was going to get away with it!
Okay kids don`t ever talk to strangers or take candy from strangers or go to stranger`s houses except on the day we worship the devil.
Every time I get a paper cut, I know somewhere a tree is laughing.
Not so great minds also think alike.
I live in a madhouse, ruled by a tiny army, that I made myself
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
Tequila, because sometimes you and your toilet need to hug it out.
You`re the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work.