Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Live today like it`s your last!! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn`t.
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
Step 1: Remove food from packaging. Step 2: Throw out packaging Step. 3: Dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time, Repeat steps 2 & 3 as necessary
Half the lies they tell about me aren`t true
They say you are what you eat but what happens if you didn`t mean to eat it. I don`t want to be a bug.
If the shampoo and conditioner in her shower are not the same brand GET THE F*CK OUT, SHE`S A MAN!
There`s a sense of great satisfaction when I`m the tie breaker between `Funny` and `Not Funny` status updates.
I spend the first half of work fantasizing about all the different places I could go for lunch.
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
If you see someone crying, ask them if it is because of their haircut.
Go home Polar Vortex....yer drunk.
You’re one of those women that my mom warned me about…Here’s my number.
Wanted a nap but had trouble getting to sleep. So I put on Seeking a Friend for the End of the World. Now 13 hours later, I`m well rested.
I just want you to be happy. And naked.
I love in horror movies how the person yells out "hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "yeah I´m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"