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Ok but how old is your child in minutes?
You can tell a lot about a womans mood by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she`s probably angry.
Top uses for Golf Balls: 1. Describing hail storms 2. Describing tumors 3. Playing golf
NERD WEDDING: Instead of saying “I do.” They say “I accept the terms & conditions.”
If my sarcasm confuses you it`s because you`re stupid.
Sarcasm and orgasm. Two things most people don`t get. Those who do are smiling right now.
Spiderman`s Spidey sense is just really spot on anxiety.
Clearly, you are a person with an open mind. I can feel the breeze from here.
The thing I miss most about being young is knowing everything.
I don`t know about you....but I have thought about running away from home way more as an adult than I ever did as a kid.
Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don`t even have a battery in my smoke detector...
The first 30 years of childhood are always the hardest.
According to WebMD I have déjà vu... but not only that, I also have déjà vu according to WebMD.
I`m so fresh they call me "ferbreeze"
As I get older, I`ve learned to relax and not stress over trivial matters. Just kidding, I`m drunk.