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Admit it at some point in your life you have tried to close the fridge slowly to see when the light goes out...
Girls love shoes… so if she throws one at you, you know she’s really pissed off.
Okay, let’s get this straight. There’s no way everone here has the best boyfriend in the world.
"Man, you know your bible verses forwards and backwards" - said no one ever
There`s a certain age where you can no longer use the term "Good girl gone bad". It`s more like "Her old a$$ should know better"
I’m glad you’re learning to laugh at yourself. That was kind of getting awkward for the rest of us.
Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can`t think of a good reply"?
I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
I dreamed about you last night, and so you know; Shame on you!!
Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don`t think of until too late
Spice up your Facebook experience by making your status updates your google searches.
You lost your phone and it`s on silent? Too bad. If you liked it then you should`ve put a ring on it.
I really think my life would be a lot better if my fitness app would just lower its standards
Showed the kids here how to eat corn-on-the-cob typewriter style........ Now explaining typewriter.