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I have a life, I have the best life in the world. Oh wait sitting around watching Netflix and eating pizza rolls isn`t a life. I guess i was wrong then. :( bummer
My friends are the kind that would flirt with the fireman while my house was burning down.
Nothing says poor life choices like the guy with the half smoked cigarette behind his ear
Hi, im _____ but you could call me sexy.
Facebook is serious. I put more thought into whether or not to accept a friend request than whether or not to sleep with someone.
If someone hates you for no reason, give that motherf*cker a reason.
I just decorated my bedroom to look like my desk at work so I can fall sleep faster.
The iPhone 5S: Because the NSA wants your thumbprint now too.
If I`ve offended you in the past, please accept my apology, and shove it up your a$$.
I’m not stealing my neighbor’s WiFi…their WiFi is trespassing into my house.
I’m alone in my car. Counting it as a vacation.
The guy who used to proofread Hitler`s speeches was the first grammar Nazi.
Dreams are like pictures. I don`t care about yours unless I`m in them.
So far my only real accomplishment in life has been not having kids.
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?