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I don’t want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.
Surly not EVERYBODY was Kung-Foo fighting?
Video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house.
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their keys.
If a girl texts you and asks if you think she`s fat and you try to respond "Nooo" autocorrect changes it to "Moo" so that`s pretty cool.
Law enforcement`s cracking down on texting while driving, but there`s no law against standing up and playing saxophone through your sunroof.
When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
Their bedroom door is closed. I better walk in there for no reason. - kids
hearing that Jesus loves you is very nice unless you`re in a Mexican prison
There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass.
Expect nothing and you`ll be impressed every day.
You know it`s cold outside... when you step on dog poop and roll your ankle
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.