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Note to self: It`s time to grow up, be responsible, and act like an adult. Self to Note: Shut the f*ck up.
If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I`d just laugh and search with them.
I am the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
I like having an ex ...it gives me something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning.
The generation of today are so allergic to everything, future wars will be fought by throwing bags of peanuts and cat hair at each other.
The problem with diets is pizza.
When the girl working the counter says "would you like fries with that?" say.."are you calling me fat??" then burst into tears. Free meal.
We are living in a generation where Vampires are sparkly,Werevolves are gay and Witches wear leather pants.
WARNING::World Health Organization says radiation from cell phones may cause cancer. Please text everyone you know about this.
Why are police men so strong? Because they hold up traffic.
Waved to my ex today, next time I might use all my fingers
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a normal pigeon.
If you’ve been naughty… go to your room. If you want to be naughty… go to mine.
I was always a believer in evolution....then I spent an hour at Walmart and now I`m not so sure