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The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
Never , under any circumstances , take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. O_o
There’s no question about it, the second half of the tank of gas goes twice as fast as the first!
Back in my day, we didn’t have Instagram. We had to bore people in person with photo albums.
I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.
Why can’t they make the whole week out of Saturdays?
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
You call it "Road Rage". I call it "Aggressively maneuvering around a$$holes that don`t know how to f*cking drive."
Big shout-out to slugs! Those little guys are out there everyday, doing all the same stuff as snails but without helmets.
I thought a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it only changes the color of the baby.
Every time I stop making bad decisions, I get more and more boring.
Here`s a fun idea: Before your next party or get together, buy some liver and other cuts of meat. Put them in clear containers and put labels on them with random names ("Clarice", "Richard", etc). Then put them in your refrigerator. For even more fun, put some empty containers beside the fridge with your friends` names on them....
I don`t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.
I sent off for some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested it would be in my best interest that I just start over.
There are two types of people in this world, those with common sense and those who have to pee on the electric fence for themselves