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It`s not the torch she carries for me that has me worried, it`s the gas can in her other hand.
To the 84yo woman that won the $591 million dollar PowerBall, sup baby ;)
loves driving down the road and just waving at random people like you know them!:D
I think my "check engine" light has finally burned out. So that`s good.
Nice try, St. Patrick`s Day, but I don`t need a reason to drink.
The internet...turning cowards into tough guys daily.
More people would drink responsibly if there was a brand of beer named Responsibly.
I`m a compulsive liar. Every thing I say is a lie. And that`s the truth.
Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.
Sometimes I send status updates from my phone so it looks like I left the house.
I like to think the automatic soap dispenser is just really happy to see me.
My car broke down outside Pizza Hut last night. So I ordered a pizza to be delivered to my house and got a lift from the driver.
I can do 50-100 pushups depending on how many weeks you give me.
A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."
I`ve finally stopped drinking for good ... And I`ve started drinking for evil.