Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate crickets in my house.....except for the one I just killed. He seems ok.
Amazon’s recommendations are like that friend who heard you say “ninja” once and then got you ninja stuff for your birthday every year for twenty years
For the first time in my years of working I have been hard at work all day......dammm those pills!!!!
Home is where the bag filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags is.
Running feels great unless you compare it to not running
Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts.
What if cell phones are part of an elaborate plot to rid the world of phone booths so Superman has nowhere to change?
Any time you feel lonely, remember, its your fault nobody likes you.
You can either agree with me, or you can be wrong.
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I`m driving.
I admit ive been known to wrap bacon in bacon just for the extra bacon flavor
I`m only materialistic when I shop at the liquor store.
Instead of going to Starbucks, I make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
You know it`s cold outside... when you step on dog poop and roll your ankle
If you read my entire Facebook timeline from the beginning, you can witness my descent into madness