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Your secrets are safe with me, because I probably wasn’t listening to begin with.
So how many women out there think men are pigs? Gimme a show of tits!
Never take a laxative and a sleeping aid on the same night. dont ask me why.
I am not the same person at 8am and 8pm.
On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.
I hate when I put food in the microwave & it starts makin explosive noises so I check and it’s cold like why you gotta play me like that.
I received an email from a hacker that had accessed my bank account. It simply read, "LOL".
they say winning doesnt matter then why they had kept scores
What is this `wrong hole` you people speak of?
Dear Toilet Paper Makers, We`ve all unexpectedly run out at some point. Please make the tube in the center softer. Thank you...
I once ran a Half Marathon. Well, I say that because it sounds better than saying I collapsed and almost died halfway through a Full Marathon.
I have always been suspicious of Wendy`s hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.
The first 30 years of childhood are always the hardest.
Life gave me onions ... Onionade sucks.
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole....