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New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.
Today is one of those “yeah, I’m not getting anything done” kind of days.
If men could have multiple orgasms, lotions would cost more than an iPhone.
Video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house.
You know that chick who said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?"... Yeah, well I ate her.
My downstairs neighbor thinks I`m a little creepy and that I overstep my bounds. At least that`s what she wrote in her diary.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.......
Waiter, bring me a bowl of turtle soup and make it snappy.
Think about how much more stressful life’s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
Jodi Arias dating O J Simpson now that would be a hell of a relationship
Insanity does not run in my family. It strolls through, taking it`s time and getting to know each one of us personally.
Pulling out a winter coat and going through the pockets to find out who I was 8 months ago.
A secret is what you tell everyone not to tell anyone else.
I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.
When I am working, I get paid to be nice. I don`t understand why my friends and family expect me to do it for free during my time off.