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Sometimes, I use big words I don`t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
Love is like Wi-Fi, you can`t see it, but you know when you`ve lost it.
Politicians and diapers should be changed regularly and for the same reason...
My doctor said he`s been practicing for 30 years. When will he start doing his job for real?
A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind
Why is it called when animals attack? It should be called when retarded people go near dangerous animals.
If you can’t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don’t know where you are!
John has 35 candy bars. If John eats 27 of them what does he have? .... Diabetes. John has diabetes.
I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.
Give a man a fish & he`ll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him.
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
I just heard someone say "I can`t wait for 13/13/13" .....let`s take a moment and pray for this dumbass
Eww!!! Beer does NOT taste good on Cocoa Puffs! ..I`m switching back to my Fruit Loops! ;)
Day 10: I am thankful there are only 20 days left for all my friends to be thankful about how awesome their lives are.
Let It Snow is my favorite song about people who don`t understand how weather works.