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World Cup Soccer? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I`d go watch some of my single friends at the bar.
Don`t date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.
Someone asked who sang Johnny B Goode, and I said Marty McFly because I`m not an idiot and I know how time travel works.
Too bad you can’t get abs from laughing at your own jokes, because I would have an 8 pack.
Take mentos and freeze into ice cubes. Put the ice cubes in your friend’s drink. After five minutes their drink will randomly explode.
Think before you yell at your kids. They are the ones who might have to bring you toilet paper in 20 minutes.
Secret Admirers are just stalkers with good PR.
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.
Everyone talks about leaving a better planet for our kids. Let`s try to leave better kids for our planet.
I don`t know why people say life is short....this seems to be taking forever.
If relationship breakups never existed, the music industry would go Bankrupt !
Statistically: 1 in 7 dwarfs are grumpy
I bet every guy would be faithful if God took an inch off his d!ck every time he cheated...
Yes, that`s correct. And the horse you rode in on.
Shoplifting is just undocumented shopping.