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If people are what they eat, some people must eat a lot of stupid.
I told my psychiatrist that I`ve been hearing voices. He told me that I don`t have a psychiatrist.
when life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt
9 out of 10 doctors will agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
Go through a fast food drive thru. When they repeat your order back to you, say "And can I get that to go?" and enjoy the confused silence.
Think of me as an idea. A really, really bad idea.
I ignored your Facebook friend request because there isn`t a "Hell no!" button.
If I could have anything in the world it would be to have the same finger prints as my enemy
High fiving was the original "like".
Is it considered rude to ask your boss if it hurt when the house fell on her in The Wizard of Oz?
It`s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
I`ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I`m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
I`m paying my taxes with a smile, but they wrote me back saying they want cash.
A police officer just knocked on my door to tell me my dogs were chasing kids down the road on bikes.. Umm.. My dogs don`t even own bikes?