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These ‘energy saving’ light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.
75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it
If someone says "I`m a sub-par golfer" does that mean they`re good at golf, or bad?
Calories: Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little tighter each night.
My mother in law called me today and said? ”Come quick. I think I’m dying” I said, ”Call me back when you’re sure”.
The only sit up I do is the one I use to get out of bed.
How do we not have lightsabers yet? Its like scientists aren´t even trying.
I think that work and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.
"American Pie" ruined it for any kid that actually does have an amazing story from band camp.
It`s always darkest before the dawn. So if you`re going steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s be the time to do it.
Today I sent out a text saying, “Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?” 12 people called me…I need smarter friends.
Whenever I feel that someone is about to sneeze I yell “PIKA!” & they’re like “CHU!”. I don’t have any friends.
My boyfriend isn`t allowed to break up with me. You wanna see other people? Look out the window.
I saw my ex getting beaten up by half a dozen thugs. For a second, I thought, "Should I help?" Then I thought, "No...6 should be enough."
Jingle bells johnny smells, amelia ruled the show, frankies okay, marcus is gay, little mix all the way.. HAY !!!