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I called one of those numbers in the bathroom stall and my wife answered. Very funny guys.
I thought about cleaning my room this weekend but didn`t do it. Then I remembered its the thought that counts so I feel better now
Instead of going to couples therapy, married people should just join tinder and see what a nightmare single people have to deal with.
Sorry I liked your status, I was cleaning my phone.
$5.99 Trojan condoms or $19.99 Huggies diapers. Choose wisely...
I’m not the friend you put on speaker phone.
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake it then you`ve got it made!
Covers on, too hot. Covers off, too cold. One foot out would prolly be ok, but I don’t wanna be dragged from bed paranormal activity style.
I remember 2012 like it was yesterday.
Stop procrastinating. Join Hokey Pokey Anonymous today and turn that life around!
Have you ever listened to somebody speak and wonder who ties their shoelaces for them?
Never ask a Leper to "give you a hand", seriously, don`t........................
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn’t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.