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I like to go on job interviews wearing an eye patch and switch eyes when the interviewer looks down.
Sex, do it for the kids.
Who ever said technology will replace paper.....has obviously never tried wiping their a$$ with an IPAD.
This by far is your most f*ck up idea ever ... I`ll be there in 10 minutes.
I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza.
My dream job is a pharmacy cashier & yelling for a price check every time someone checks out anal ointment, condoms, & men buying maxi pads.
Can I tell you how terribly grateful I am that no one had cell phones, iPads or digital cameras when I had to squaredance in P.E.
I`d like to thank the bars for being there for me.
If tomatoes are classed as a fruit, then doesnt that mean that ketchup is technically a smoothie? ... hmmm
Right now a FedEx driver is dropkicking your Christmas gift onto someone’s front porch.
I robbed a bank yesterday....now the question is, what to do with all that sperm....
Best part of living alone...clothing optional ;)
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?
And I was like “No, Coke is NOT ok. I wanted a Pepsi.” And she was all “Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies.”
I`m writing this status very slowly, cause I know you guys can`t read very fast.