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Corduroy boxing gloves deliver the best punchlines.
Scariest thing ever: when a kid sings a nursery rhyme really slow.
President Obama says his daughters need minimum wage jobs to "learn what it means to work." May I suggest the same for members of Congress?
Never trust anyone who says “Im not supposed to tell anyone but”
You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
New research reported that men enjoy snuggling. A second study showed that men will say anything to get a researcher into bed.
When I`m not sleepy, I listen to some Chris Brown. That knocks me out right away.
The guest of honour was a bit subdued. The Keyboardist was playing too softly for my liking. But it was a good turnout, lots of food and laughter. But break out into one choreographed `Thriller` dance routine and the crowd goes all apesh!t and tosses you out of the funeral home.
I was called a village idiot today which really upset me ... I live in a city.
My predictive text dictionary doesn’t have “tsunami”, so if you ever get a text from me that says “trumang” start running.
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
I`ve never watched a clown apply makeup but I imagine the process is similar to that of a Kardashian.
There are 2 kinds of people I can’t stand: Nosy people, and people who won’t tell me what in the hell is going on.
Yeah, I was gonna do that, but summer.