Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It just dawned on me why Mayberry was so peaceful and quit, cause nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T Bass, The Darlins, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara. The only one married was Otis, and he stayed drunk!
It hurts to be in love. Oh wait, I`m sitting on my keys.
I love the people in parking lots with "free kittens" signs because I too feel that kittens shouldn`t be oppressed.
My wallet is like an onion. When I open it.. it makes me cry.
I got a letter from my crush on Valentine`s Day. Well, technically it`s a restraining order but still....
If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
The other day my son asked me who picks up the seeing eye dog`s poop.
Targeted ads are trying to sell me a new mattress nowadays. With how much Google knows about me you`d think they`d cap themselves at something like $5 footlongs or stationary.
I kinda dig you, want to hang out and stuff until we hate each other?
It should be socially acceptable to end any boring conversation by shouting "UNSUBSCRIBE!"
Make Monday More Fun: Unplug the copier at work and put a sign on it that says “Now Voice Activated!” Sit back and watch the magic unfold..
I never said "you were stupid" I said "you are stupid", there`s nothing past tense about it!
Where do all the ice cream men go in winter?
The statement `Hey! Calm down!` has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That`s like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.