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Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re my bartender & you say "This guy looks like he needs another double vodka martini" then please do..
How could a man who is covered in tattoos be afraid of commitment?
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
I was visited by three spirits last night, Vodka, Rum And Gin. . .
Women say they love nerds until you whip out your Pokemon cards.
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I`ll never know.
Instead of a selfie, you should take a someone elsie.
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos
I always try to behave but there are usually too many other options.
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t.
Actually, when I went to New Orleans, I blacked out too.
A real friend is someone who knows how damn crazy you are... But is still willing to be seen out in public with you.
Some girls post the most depressing love sh!t that even I`m starting to miss their ex!!!
Iām bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.