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I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
Imagine how frustrating it would be if Tic-Tacs were individually wrapped
I`m not shy. I`m just being quiet because I know that if I open my mouth to speak, a flow of never- ceasing, insulting comment directed at you will immediately spew from within me.
Sometimes, I wish I could fast forward the time just to see if in the end it`s all worth it.
Dancing in the 70`s: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at
Dog Found: Now we are bros, so he`s staying. Don`t call, don`t make it weird.
I`ve come to believe that everyone on Earth could benefit from a 12 step program.
I`m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.
I could do so much more if I only had minions.
What happens in Vegas never happens to me
Sometimes people try to expose what`s wrong with you, because they can`t handle what`s right about you.
The first step is admitting you’re a problem.
?"Oh! Oh! Oh!" Dyslexic Santa
Someone offered me grapes, but I declined. I`m not used to consuming wine in pill form.
Why can`t we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole