Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes, I use big words I don`t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
I´ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.
Aren`t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know...The birth of Santa
Marijuana is a type of flower, therefore I am a florist not a drug dealer :p
You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
Ghetto wet floor sign: Caution Bitches Be Trippin
When I was young I was scared of the dark. Now when I see my electricity bill I am scared of the lights.
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those meds.
I think my new Stress Management plan is going to be alcoholism.
Why isn`t cat food made from birds, mice and squirrels??
Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me .. It´s Sunday.
Just ruined $387 worth of blinds in the house, but that fly is dead.
Today I saw a girl with the word "Anel" on her butt. I was like, woah..it`s supposed to say "Anal"..it`s spelled wrong then I realized it was supposed to say "Angel". The G was stuck in her a$$crack
Me: I`m gonna lose weight. Me: I`m gonna exercise every day. Me: I`m gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?