Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
Parents: Where are you going at this time of the night all dressed up like a slut? Daughter: To the bathroom, I need a new Facebook picture.
I don’t understand how my house gets so messy when I literally sit in one spot with my phone all day.
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while...
I was planning on doing something today, but I haven`t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
They told me to never give up. Now they call me a stalker.
So, which one of you is going to be the subject of your local news` annual turkey fryer accident story?
Why did the mushroom go to the party because he was the fungi
Seriously contemplating remarrying my ex wife, but I`m pretty sure she`ll figure out that I`m just after my money
This coffee would work better if I could throw it at people.
So my kid secretly recorded me driving and singing and put it on social media if you needed to know how important birth control is today.
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
Adding "and sh!t" at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.
Born free. Now, I’m expensive.
Swearing: because sometimes "golly gee" and "meany" just don`t cut it.