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If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
I wish people would consult me before trying to insult me, because I could help them come up with a much better one.
There’s a limit of how close you should be to another man when taking a selfie.
Pepper spray: The perfect way to end an annoyingly long conversation.
I started seeing this girl recently. She sometimes texts. Sometimes Whatsapps. Sometimes she emails. Sometimes she Facebooks. Im getting mixed messages.
You`d think Pizza Hut would be able to upgrade to a house by now.
Calling your girlfriend by her Moms name during a fight is a great way to escalate the situation.
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
I`m glad the guy who came up with "No means no" didn`t do the whole dictionary
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
I fell asleep with infomercials playing on the TV.... I woke up with a strange desire to do P90X with a Shake Weight while in my Snuggie
Bored? Text "Our condom broke." to a random number
Unless my horoscope says, "You will dread going to work and will most likely masturbate," then it is a crock of sh*t.
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them