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I noticed the toilet roll incorrectly installed in your selfie.
I just can’t stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to “stay cool”
I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th, because I know how to reduce fractions unlik the rest of you morons.
Yikes. don`t google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"
I love my friends unconditionally.* *Certain terms and conditions may apply. May not be available on all days. Coverage not available in all locations.Offer good for 30 days.Requires two-year minimum agreement. Fees applied for activation and early termination.
Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.
Coworker drank the last of the coffee and now he`s going to the clinic for a `work related` injury.
Three guys walk into a bar. Two ended up with a concussion, the other needed 4 stitches.
It really freaks me out that I have a skeleton living inside me......
It`s 2014 and somehow we still don`t have a car mirror that can make objects appear exactly as far away as they are.
If you`re not employed by the Secret Service, there is absolutely no reason to have a Bluetooth on your ear.
People ask me why I don`t have any tattoos and I respond with, would you put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari?
It’s been “one of those days” for like 3 years now.
I have many talents... For example: Sleeping.
Alcohol – The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance “medicine.”