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I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
Some days your the bug; some days your the windshield.
Apparently somebody gets stabbed every 52 seconds...sucks to be that guy
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
I`m "keeps a pair of underwear in the glove box because I don`t trust my farts anymore" years old.
Sorry I kept stopping erratically. I was pumping SCREW YOU in Morse Code with my brake lights.
Would you be a deer and run out in front of my car for me?
This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that`s also the last time I`ll buy cheap toilet paper...
I hope that man who was walking in memphis found out the way he really felt
Home is where a man hangs his hat. Unless that man is wearing a sun visor. Then he probably dosent have a home or friends..
Liven up any boring conversation by telling people you have a glass eye and then watch them try and figure out which one it is.
If flying is really so safe, then why is it called the `terminal`?
If you have to tell us that you`ve been going to the gym, you probably need to go more often....
Girls are supposed to dance. That`s why god gave them parts that jiggle.
If Shakespeare is correct and "all the world is a stage" then I seriously would like to be in control of that trap door.