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I thought white noise was the sound of people complaining at Starbucks.
I don`t get personal trainers. I`ve never been exercising and thought "man, I wish someone hot was criticizing me right now."
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
I don`t want to set the world on fire........just you.
That awkward moment when the majority of people think your status is stupid.
Sharing your faith on Facebook is like sharing a fart in a elevator. It might feel nice to come out but no one really wants to hear it.
I tried to open a can of WhoopAss,, but it popped like a can of biscuits and scared me.
On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?
I understand vampires being invisible in mirrors, but what the hell happens to their clothes?
I know the voices ain`t really, but man, do they ever come up with some great ideas.
Guys would stay home longer if boobs came in a 30 pack.
If my body is EVER found dead on a designated jogging trail.. Just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.. :|
I`m kind of like Hugh Hefner. Only without the mansion, the exotic cars, the girls, the magazine and the money. Basically, I`m just a guy in a bathrobe.
Picking up someone at a bar when you`re drunk, is like going to the grocery store hungry... You end up taking home crap you didn`t want
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.