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Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts..
Stall Cleaning service, Satisfaction guaranteed or 100% or you manure back!
I believe in love at first episode.
Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn`t sing it out loud in public
Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I`m alright, but I feel like, well, like I`ve dyed a little inside.
I don`t exactly have a "to do" list. I have what you might call "If I ever log off Facebook and feel like getting around to doing it" list.
Here`s how I gained 27lbs of muscle in 5 weeks: Lying.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it´s still on the list.
All`s not lost my Friends. It won`t be long til people realize Selfie Sticks also make wonderful lightning rods......
Go ahead caller 9!!
When in doubt, procrastinate.
Does anyone else get scared when a text reads "Can I ask you a question?"
If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?
Sorry I hung up on you, I didn`t mean to answer the call.