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Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?
I`m at my most relaxed around dogs and prescription drugs.
Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.
I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
If I had a nickel for everytime I told myself I`d quit smoking, I could buy a lot more cigarettes
im like the government: i spend money on things that aren`t important, and spend most of my time trying to explain to people why i need them.
So you constantly feel sorry for yourself and feel the need to tell everyone all about it. I can’t imagine why he left you.
I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
Its better to have loved and lost, then stay with that psyco for one more sec
Going through the dealership lot with the salesman, pointing at every car and asking, "what kinda robot does that one turn into?"
Facebook should make it to where it says, `Went from being in a relationship` to `Problem solved.`
If you come up to my bedroom door and find a sock on the knob it means I`m having sex ... Probably with the other sock.
I don`t think I have enough money to find long everlasting love.
My dog is eating. I`m sitting next to her, staring intently at her, making her obviously uncomfortable. Yeah, how`s THAT feel, mutt?
If you kept one of those jars where I`d have to put in a quarter every time I swore, you would be a billionaire by the end of the week.